Marriage Elysium

Bible says What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9

It was a wise man who said that it is important not only to pick the right mate, but to be the right mate. And contrary to many popular love stories, it is not during the first year of bliss that most dangers crop up. Marriages do not, like dropped chinaware, smash as a result of that first quarrel.

Marriage is a rooted thing, a growing and flowering thing that must be tended faithfully. Lacking the mutual effort, we are apt to find some day that our marriage, so hopefully planted, has been withering unnoticeably. Gradually we realize that for some time, the petals have lost their luster, that the perfume is gone.

We all welcome daily watering with the little gracious affectionate act. With mutual concern for other’s contentment, with self-watchfulness here and self-forgetfulness there, it brings forth ever new blossoms.

Perhaps the greatest blessing in marriage is that it lasts so long. The years, like the varying interests of each year, combine to strengthen and enrich each other.

I remember Thomas Moore’s beautiful words on marriage:

There’s a bliss beyond all that the minister has told
When two, that are linked in one heavenly tie,
With heart never changing, and brow never cold,
Love on through all ills, and love on till they die.

One hour of passion so scared is worth
Whole age of heartless and wandering bliss;
Ah Oh! If there be an Elysium* on earth,
It is this – it is this!

*Elysium means paradise

Queen of Heart

Queen Of Your Heart

I know you have lot of things to achieve,

Still I would say, “you will”, when you won’t believe.

Your scope of success is so big,

Your tensions are also realistic,

You think no one can think of how you feel,

But I feel you cannot think of how I deal,

With the feelings I have for you,

Despite of discord, your respect in my heart is always due.

You say you feel that I love you more but at times act suspicious,

How I may not protect, as for me you are so precious?

You rule my heart for being true soul and not by being smart,

But… I feel sorry for myself in failing to be ‘Queen of your heart’.

Why? Here is my reply.

My aim is to win your heart in a way that you cann’t think of being away,

Mind it, not by holding you tightly instead by being in your thoughts slightly,

Like the way you are in mine, but don’t worry I am still fine.

Yes, I am there in your mind but as a responsibility as everybody undertakes,

Not as a beloved for whom everything is done with a sense of love as all it takes.

I feel, you see the people and intuit the best in every way, as are they,

Also analyzing love philosophies of people and think of loving me in the best way.

Dear I have loved you and not them all.

Whether you succeed or you fall.

I know you are different but you don’t know it,

God will always be there for you; trust me a bit.

I know you feel free and happy when out with your friends,

Is it for the sake of friendship and enjoying life’s normal trend?

Else, is it for sparing yourself from responsibilities?

As it includes your struggles plus conflicts with me driving in more difficulties.

I wished for delightful things for us and I always keep juggling & trying,

Those moments of conflicts hurt a lot as they give sign that still you are not mine.

I would look forward for your silent promises in my lifetime,

That you are forever and ever mine.

I usually avoid telling this to you,

As again your feeling of being harassed is due,

But somehow wanted to make my heart clear,

Without fruitless arguments & shedding tears.

Just be the way you are & mark progress lines on your life chart,

And I’ll strive through life alongwith a desire to be ‘Queen of your heart’.

I know you will be you,

But that’s the way I am.

Love & Marriage

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders...may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, ".this is love.. you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...”
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get... this is marriage."

Relationship

One of the most difficult relationsips for a man to manage is his wife. We marry fantasies and then reach peak of fun and joy in the initial few days. Both parters are busy doing Brand Management for themselves and their respective families. Slowly the fantasies transition into realities. Difference of opinion emerge over Shopping Habits and Upbringing of children. My mother becomes better then your mother. My job becomes more important than your job. In the meanwhile children reach teenage. Now the focus shfts from finding faults in each other to our approach towards Parenting. You want to divorce but don't do it because it will have cause trauma for children.

Without even knowing you have crossed 40 years and then the next difference of opinion starts. House and Retirement. Social groups and religious beliefs.

Well this is where things become little more complex. You have attended relationship management training programs and leadership courses. None of that seems to be working in your relationship. What produces results does not work at home.

You need to unwind more often and Liquor bills start to increase.

Realtionship goes down the drain. In laws from both sides move in to provide Free of Charge (unsolicited) consultations. Children move out to Higher Studies. Home is quite. Silence is golden, but too much silence is deafening.

Now we are 55 years, have tea, lunch, walks together, but have different friends, different relegious circles, and watch different TV channels.

And then one day one of us dies, unfulfilled and incomplete. The other parter then grieves over what he/she could have done if only he/she would have lived for a few more years.

This relationship is the most complex and difficult.

I invite you to post your experinecs and comments.