Mona, My wife's younger sister and a very loveable person in our family, wrote to me yesterday. The question she asked is asked by less than .01% people (and no one at her age). Lucky for her she did asked. It made me do some study and some introspection.
I read a book recently written by Mitch Albom titled "Tuesdays with Morrie". Its a story of an old college professor (Morrie)in his last days, a young man (Mitch)who was once his student, and life's greatest lesson. I love this book as it is a true story that leaves you with a great understanding of the question that less than .01% even think about. "What is the purpose of life?"
Morrie the old professor says : "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let is come in. Let it come in. We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it come in, we'll become too soft. But a wise man name Levine said it just right. Love is the only rational act.
I reflect on my life and see that above is so true and real. Each word cause confrontation. For me the most difficult one is to let love come in. Any way that's my jorney.
I thank Mona for making pick up the lost thread again. This is such a profound conversation to dwell into. While life is empty and meaningless, it doesn't take to be rocket scientist or a great saint to provide formula of life. Just by dwelling into conversation opens up a new realm of possibilities.
Untill next time...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Marriage Elysium
Bible says What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9
It was a wise man who said that it is important not only to pick the right mate, but to be the right mate. And contrary to many popular love stories, it is not during the first year of bliss that most dangers crop up. Marriages do not, like dropped chinaware, smash as a result of that first quarrel.
Marriage is a rooted thing, a growing and flowering thing that must be tended faithfully. Lacking the mutual effort, we are apt to find some day that our marriage, so hopefully planted, has been withering unnoticeably. Gradually we realize that for some time, the petals have lost their luster, that the perfume is gone.
We all welcome daily watering with the little gracious affectionate act. With mutual concern for other’s contentment, with self-watchfulness here and self-forgetfulness there, it brings forth ever new blossoms.
Perhaps the greatest blessing in marriage is that it lasts so long. The years, like the varying interests of each year, combine to strengthen and enrich each other.
I remember Thomas Moore’s beautiful words on marriage:
There’s a bliss beyond all that the minister has told
When two, that are linked in one heavenly tie,
With heart never changing, and brow never cold,
Love on through all ills, and love on till they die.
One hour of passion so scared is worth
Whole age of heartless and wandering bliss;
Ah Oh! If there be an Elysium* on earth,
It is this – it is this!
*Elysium means paradise
It was a wise man who said that it is important not only to pick the right mate, but to be the right mate. And contrary to many popular love stories, it is not during the first year of bliss that most dangers crop up. Marriages do not, like dropped chinaware, smash as a result of that first quarrel.
Marriage is a rooted thing, a growing and flowering thing that must be tended faithfully. Lacking the mutual effort, we are apt to find some day that our marriage, so hopefully planted, has been withering unnoticeably. Gradually we realize that for some time, the petals have lost their luster, that the perfume is gone.
We all welcome daily watering with the little gracious affectionate act. With mutual concern for other’s contentment, with self-watchfulness here and self-forgetfulness there, it brings forth ever new blossoms.
Perhaps the greatest blessing in marriage is that it lasts so long. The years, like the varying interests of each year, combine to strengthen and enrich each other.
I remember Thomas Moore’s beautiful words on marriage:
There’s a bliss beyond all that the minister has told
When two, that are linked in one heavenly tie,
With heart never changing, and brow never cold,
Love on through all ills, and love on till they die.
One hour of passion so scared is worth
Whole age of heartless and wandering bliss;
Ah Oh! If there be an Elysium* on earth,
It is this – it is this!
*Elysium means paradise
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
This too shall pass away
We canot expect to live always on a smooth and even plane. We all face problems, worries, and fears; we all have our setbacks, our sorrows and misfortunes. They are part of the substance of living, and none of us can escape them.
You must make up your mind to the possibility of sustaining a certain measure of pain and trouble in your passage through life.
We cannot walk through out our life on mountain peaks. There are rivers and valleys along the way, and some are deep and treacherous, some a cruel challenge to human endurance.
But courage conquers all things.
And down through the centuries poets and philosophers have been telling us so in a fascinating ways.
One hundred years ago Paul Hamilton wrote an inspirational poem, which was carried by thousands in their pockets and purses:
Art thou in misery, brother? Then I pray
Be confronted. The grief shall pass away.
Art thou elated? Ah, be not too gay;
Temper this joy: this, too shall pass away.
Art thou in danger? Still let reason sway,
And cling to hope: this, too shall pass away.
Tempted art thou? In all thine anguish lay
One truth to heart; this, too shall pass away.
Do rays of loftier glory round thee play?
Kinglike art thou? This too, shall pass away!
Whate'ver thou art, where ever thy footsteps stray,
Head these wise words: This, too shall pass away.
The philosophy of centuries old Eastern Monarchs repeated by Paul Hayne is a proof that nothing lasts - not even pain.
William Shakespeare said - Come what may; Time and the hour runs through the darkest day,
Lets surrender to the wisdom of these great man and have courage because
This too shall pass away.
You must make up your mind to the possibility of sustaining a certain measure of pain and trouble in your passage through life.
We cannot walk through out our life on mountain peaks. There are rivers and valleys along the way, and some are deep and treacherous, some a cruel challenge to human endurance.
But courage conquers all things.
And down through the centuries poets and philosophers have been telling us so in a fascinating ways.
One hundred years ago Paul Hamilton wrote an inspirational poem, which was carried by thousands in their pockets and purses:
Art thou in misery, brother? Then I pray
Be confronted. The grief shall pass away.
Art thou elated? Ah, be not too gay;
Temper this joy: this, too shall pass away.
Art thou in danger? Still let reason sway,
And cling to hope: this, too shall pass away.
Tempted art thou? In all thine anguish lay
One truth to heart; this, too shall pass away.
Do rays of loftier glory round thee play?
Kinglike art thou? This too, shall pass away!
Whate'ver thou art, where ever thy footsteps stray,
Head these wise words: This, too shall pass away.
The philosophy of centuries old Eastern Monarchs repeated by Paul Hayne is a proof that nothing lasts - not even pain.
William Shakespeare said - Come what may; Time and the hour runs through the darkest day,
Lets surrender to the wisdom of these great man and have courage because
This too shall pass away.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Take Care
"Take Care". You take care, TC, You must take care.
These 2 words are used so commonly that in SMS or internet chat most conversations end with them. I was listening to Radio FM from Dubai and the RJ said at the end "Apna bahut ache se khyam rakhiyega".
My wife keeps on telling me the same thing every day from 2000 kms away.
MY QUESTION IS - Is it really possible to take care of oneself. And, if it was so easy, why would 25% of world's population be suffering from Diabetes? Why is obesity all around? Why the gyms are empty and the bars full?
I think human beings are not designed to take care of themselves. They are designed to take care of others.
Lets take the example of a young mother, a girl who never took care of her own health, takes such excellent care of her child's health and hygine. So much so that she gives up her own sleep and comforts to take care of the child for the rest of her life. A mother at age 75 would still take care (or at leat want to take care), of her child the same way, when she was 25.
Second example - A man taking care of his family. He will sacrifice his own desires to fulfill the desires of his wife & children. I live in Gulf. This is a earning ground for millions of people, who leave their families behind and work in high temperature extremly unhealthy conditions, to make the lives of their families better.
Do they care about themselves? They live on basic facilities and highly compromised lifestyles, but make sure their sons and daughters eat in good restaurants and study in decent schools, back home.
So, the question once again is - Can one really care about himself or herself? And the answer is NO. Most of us cannot Take Care of ourself. We are designed to be taken care of by some one else. While we can take care of others.
maybe when we are young and full of energy, we think we take care of ourselves. The fact is ; Its not we, but nature that is taking care.
But once you cross the mid age of 40, you officially enter the old age. And that is when you need more than ever some one to take care of you, and you to take care of some one.
Robert Browning a poet in 1800s wrote in his finest work "Rabbi Ben Ezra" ;
These 2 words are used so commonly that in SMS or internet chat most conversations end with them. I was listening to Radio FM from Dubai and the RJ said at the end "Apna bahut ache se khyam rakhiyega".
My wife keeps on telling me the same thing every day from 2000 kms away.
MY QUESTION IS - Is it really possible to take care of oneself. And, if it was so easy, why would 25% of world's population be suffering from Diabetes? Why is obesity all around? Why the gyms are empty and the bars full?
I think human beings are not designed to take care of themselves. They are designed to take care of others.
Lets take the example of a young mother, a girl who never took care of her own health, takes such excellent care of her child's health and hygine. So much so that she gives up her own sleep and comforts to take care of the child for the rest of her life. A mother at age 75 would still take care (or at leat want to take care), of her child the same way, when she was 25.
Second example - A man taking care of his family. He will sacrifice his own desires to fulfill the desires of his wife & children. I live in Gulf. This is a earning ground for millions of people, who leave their families behind and work in high temperature extremly unhealthy conditions, to make the lives of their families better.
Do they care about themselves? They live on basic facilities and highly compromised lifestyles, but make sure their sons and daughters eat in good restaurants and study in decent schools, back home.
So, the question once again is - Can one really care about himself or herself? And the answer is NO. Most of us cannot Take Care of ourself. We are designed to be taken care of by some one else. While we can take care of others.
maybe when we are young and full of energy, we think we take care of ourselves. The fact is ; Its not we, but nature that is taking care.
But once you cross the mid age of 40, you officially enter the old age. And that is when you need more than ever some one to take care of you, and you to take care of some one.
Robert Browning a poet in 1800s wrote in his finest work "Rabbi Ben Ezra" ;
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The more things change the more they remain the same
In our work lives, when something isn't working, we struggle with which part of problem to tackle first. Do we start with cost reduction? What about morale? Or should we begin with process improvement?
In our personal lives, it's the samne dilemma - which problem do we work on first? Should we resolve to do better with home finances? Make our marriage more fulfilling? Get rid of ten kilos? Spend more time with the kids?
The optimist says there's oppurtunity everywhere we look. The pessimist says everything is messed up, and it's as though every system is perfectly designed to stay messed up, no matter how many things we try to fix.
We pick the problem to work on, and either we fail or succeed. If we fail, we add "frustration" to our list of problems. If we succedd, a new problem pops up to replace the old one.
You have too much stress, you get diabetes and other stress diseases, to beat the stress you start to overeat, smoke or drink. To solve this, you start to spend time at gym and outdoors, the kids get neglected, your boss complains you are not spending enough time at office. You can't afford to lose the job or the kids or your health and you are back to stress again.
As they say in Landmark - The solution to a problem becomes the next problem. And the more things change, the more they remain the same Why is that?
I spend nearly a decade with transformational work of Landmark and I think fixing things in a patchwork style, does not achieve anything. The end is same as the begining, sometimes even more complex.
Think about the people you know who have wrestled with the same personal problem for years - weight, drugs and alcohol, or an unhappy personal relationship. Although they may say "I want to get help" they dont change or improve. Their actions show a recurrence. Why is it so hard to change? Because wrestling with that problem over and over - sometimes winning, sometimes losing but always struggling.
Our default future has a certain predictable shape.
The more things change the more they remain the same. - So what is the option? There is only one solution that works. That is because it is not a solution. There is nothing to fix, change or imnprove.
Rewrite a future. When you do that your actions shift from disengaged to proactive. From resigned to inspiring and from frustrated to creative. Imagine if everybody in the family could rewrite the future of the family or employees can create a future for the organisation.
That kind of transformation will create a wave of momentum.
Some of you may find the above heavy or confusing. Well all I can say here is transformation is hell of confusion and it rips you apart. But that is the only thing that I have found really works.
No fixing, changing or improving. Just creating a future that fullfills me now and it will be there for ever.
Take Care
In our personal lives, it's the samne dilemma - which problem do we work on first? Should we resolve to do better with home finances? Make our marriage more fulfilling? Get rid of ten kilos? Spend more time with the kids?
The optimist says there's oppurtunity everywhere we look. The pessimist says everything is messed up, and it's as though every system is perfectly designed to stay messed up, no matter how many things we try to fix.
We pick the problem to work on, and either we fail or succeed. If we fail, we add "frustration" to our list of problems. If we succedd, a new problem pops up to replace the old one.
You have too much stress, you get diabetes and other stress diseases, to beat the stress you start to overeat, smoke or drink. To solve this, you start to spend time at gym and outdoors, the kids get neglected, your boss complains you are not spending enough time at office. You can't afford to lose the job or the kids or your health and you are back to stress again.
As they say in Landmark - The solution to a problem becomes the next problem. And the more things change, the more they remain the same Why is that?
I spend nearly a decade with transformational work of Landmark and I think fixing things in a patchwork style, does not achieve anything. The end is same as the begining, sometimes even more complex.
Think about the people you know who have wrestled with the same personal problem for years - weight, drugs and alcohol, or an unhappy personal relationship. Although they may say "I want to get help" they dont change or improve. Their actions show a recurrence. Why is it so hard to change? Because wrestling with that problem over and over - sometimes winning, sometimes losing but always struggling.
Our default future has a certain predictable shape.
The more things change the more they remain the same. - So what is the option? There is only one solution that works. That is because it is not a solution. There is nothing to fix, change or imnprove.
Rewrite a future. When you do that your actions shift from disengaged to proactive. From resigned to inspiring and from frustrated to creative. Imagine if everybody in the family could rewrite the future of the family or employees can create a future for the organisation.
That kind of transformation will create a wave of momentum.
Some of you may find the above heavy or confusing. Well all I can say here is transformation is hell of confusion and it rips you apart. But that is the only thing that I have found really works.
No fixing, changing or improving. Just creating a future that fullfills me now and it will be there for ever.
Take Care
Thursday, November 12, 2009
No news is good news
When people of my generation (including me) were born, the world was a different place, it was a much better world.
We went to school on foot or in a rickshaw, the children of affluent few were seen on a bicycle. On the way to school we used to cross railway tracks, negotiate a steep climb and sometimes even find way through a water body. Our parents gave us guidelines on safety, but most of us never used it. We fell from rickshaws, got messed up in water or even broke bones speeding on cycles.
There was no mobile phone available, and the parents could not be communicated. Strangers took you to nearest doctor, who treated you for free and some stranger carried us to our home in our torn clothes and lost bags. But, we all got our treatment, no one died on the streets. The mother had no way to communicate the incident to father who was 20 kms away on work, and will return late night. No news was good news.
People used to write letters and address each other as respected father, Dear son, your's faithfully. The receipt of a post card from a dear one, was a source of immense joy and pleasure and sometimes sorrow. There was love and emotions in those postcards and Inland letters. The only news that needed to be communicated urgently by telegram was child birth and death. No news was good news.
In 1970's and early 80's there was one black and white TV in a cluster of 10 homes. Which showed only one channel containing programs of poor quality for 4 hours in evening, one movie in a week and one music show. However it was great source for the entire family or some times neighborhood to sit together and enjoy.
Those were good days.
Today everyone carries a mobile phone (some even two), each home has computers and internet. Each room has one TV. There is communication at finger tips. Emails, SMS, International calls, Domestic free calls and what not. Thousands of TV channels and millions of websites throw garbage at us non stop.
Today the list of dear ones has changed. No one writes letters. No one addresses parents as Dear Parents, Satkar yog, Agyakari or Your's faithfully.
We have more time for colleagues and work, than family. The relationship has become telephonic. Festival greetings are shared by stolen and forwarded SMS and forwarded chain emails. Every one watches different TV channel in a different room. Or listens to my kind of music on his Ipod or mobile phone.
This is time of news at fingure tips, the time of communication.
This is also the time of panic, anger, threat, frustration, pretense, greed and self center. Today we communicate more - and we loose more. We have lost emotions, care, respect, satisfaction and social manners.
Its time to break this addiction. Communicate less. Write letters, use pen and paper. Keep one TV in home and switch off your mobile phone at home.
No news is good news.
We went to school on foot or in a rickshaw, the children of affluent few were seen on a bicycle. On the way to school we used to cross railway tracks, negotiate a steep climb and sometimes even find way through a water body. Our parents gave us guidelines on safety, but most of us never used it. We fell from rickshaws, got messed up in water or even broke bones speeding on cycles.
There was no mobile phone available, and the parents could not be communicated. Strangers took you to nearest doctor, who treated you for free and some stranger carried us to our home in our torn clothes and lost bags. But, we all got our treatment, no one died on the streets. The mother had no way to communicate the incident to father who was 20 kms away on work, and will return late night. No news was good news.
People used to write letters and address each other as respected father, Dear son, your's faithfully. The receipt of a post card from a dear one, was a source of immense joy and pleasure and sometimes sorrow. There was love and emotions in those postcards and Inland letters. The only news that needed to be communicated urgently by telegram was child birth and death. No news was good news.
In 1970's and early 80's there was one black and white TV in a cluster of 10 homes. Which showed only one channel containing programs of poor quality for 4 hours in evening, one movie in a week and one music show. However it was great source for the entire family or some times neighborhood to sit together and enjoy.
Those were good days.
Today everyone carries a mobile phone (some even two), each home has computers and internet. Each room has one TV. There is communication at finger tips. Emails, SMS, International calls, Domestic free calls and what not. Thousands of TV channels and millions of websites throw garbage at us non stop.
Today the list of dear ones has changed. No one writes letters. No one addresses parents as Dear Parents, Satkar yog, Agyakari or Your's faithfully.
We have more time for colleagues and work, than family. The relationship has become telephonic. Festival greetings are shared by stolen and forwarded SMS and forwarded chain emails. Every one watches different TV channel in a different room. Or listens to my kind of music on his Ipod or mobile phone.
This is time of news at fingure tips, the time of communication.
This is also the time of panic, anger, threat, frustration, pretense, greed and self center. Today we communicate more - and we loose more. We have lost emotions, care, respect, satisfaction and social manners.
Its time to break this addiction. Communicate less. Write letters, use pen and paper. Keep one TV in home and switch off your mobile phone at home.
No news is good news.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Not everything needs to be fixed
Ever since I was a child, I used to look at the people who were undergoing surgeries and deaths, divorce and separations, working in a foreign land and not available to families in need. And I always was clear that there is something wrong in these people. These things happen to others, not to me.
I am different.
The irony of life is all that we hope and are sure of will never happen to us, happens to us too. As they say "The more you resist, the more it persists".
I can recall some incidents in my life too. A collapsed business, a second disaster in business, a legal fight with tenant over non issues, sudden death of a parent, emergency surgery of a child, turbulent shift in country of residence for family, and so on.
I also never imagined that I will be a successful man. Looked like it will be an average life, with a no glamor or importance. But that also ditched my belief. While going through all the turbulence in person life and dealing with disasters, I learned many a lessons.
It is surprising that in a foreign land, where no one knew me 4 years ago, I have a successful and satisfying career and social life.
But the life ironies don't seem to give up. Just when we think - "And then they lived happily ever after" - life kicks you where it hurts the most. And teaches you a new lesson.
So, should we be grateful for these kicks by life, or sulk and crib?
It took me a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to life, just take it one day at a time.
My wife and kids have gone back to our home country, leaving me struggling for what's next. I have recently been diagnosed of diabetes and stone in my kidney. Another thing I knew would never happen to me. But I just want to tell you, I feel great to be alive, am still invited to chair the social events and conduct high level trainings. I am blessed to conduct children education classes on weekends.
And I maybe here today or in India tomorrow or in USA next year.
I want you to know that I am enjoying it.And this is the way, I will live the rest of my life. As Randy Pausch said "Not everything needs to be fixed".
I am different.
The irony of life is all that we hope and are sure of will never happen to us, happens to us too. As they say "The more you resist, the more it persists".
I can recall some incidents in my life too. A collapsed business, a second disaster in business, a legal fight with tenant over non issues, sudden death of a parent, emergency surgery of a child, turbulent shift in country of residence for family, and so on.
I also never imagined that I will be a successful man. Looked like it will be an average life, with a no glamor or importance. But that also ditched my belief. While going through all the turbulence in person life and dealing with disasters, I learned many a lessons.
It is surprising that in a foreign land, where no one knew me 4 years ago, I have a successful and satisfying career and social life.
But the life ironies don't seem to give up. Just when we think - "And then they lived happily ever after" - life kicks you where it hurts the most. And teaches you a new lesson.
So, should we be grateful for these kicks by life, or sulk and crib?
It took me a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to life, just take it one day at a time.
My wife and kids have gone back to our home country, leaving me struggling for what's next. I have recently been diagnosed of diabetes and stone in my kidney. Another thing I knew would never happen to me. But I just want to tell you, I feel great to be alive, am still invited to chair the social events and conduct high level trainings. I am blessed to conduct children education classes on weekends.
And I maybe here today or in India tomorrow or in USA next year.
I want you to know that I am enjoying it.And this is the way, I will live the rest of my life. As Randy Pausch said "Not everything needs to be fixed".
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