In our work lives, when something isn't working, we struggle with which part of problem to tackle first. Do we start with cost reduction? What about morale? Or should we begin with process improvement?
In our personal lives, it's the samne dilemma - which problem do we work on first? Should we resolve to do better with home finances? Make our marriage more fulfilling? Get rid of ten kilos? Spend more time with the kids?
The optimist says there's oppurtunity everywhere we look. The pessimist says everything is messed up, and it's as though every system is perfectly designed to stay messed up, no matter how many things we try to fix.
We pick the problem to work on, and either we fail or succeed. If we fail, we add "frustration" to our list of problems. If we succedd, a new problem pops up to replace the old one.
You have too much stress, you get diabetes and other stress diseases, to beat the stress you start to overeat, smoke or drink. To solve this, you start to spend time at gym and outdoors, the kids get neglected, your boss complains you are not spending enough time at office. You can't afford to lose the job or the kids or your health and you are back to stress again.
As they say in Landmark - The solution to a problem becomes the next problem. And the more things change, the more they remain the same Why is that?
I spend nearly a decade with transformational work of Landmark and I think fixing things in a patchwork style, does not achieve anything. The end is same as the begining, sometimes even more complex.
Think about the people you know who have wrestled with the same personal problem for years - weight, drugs and alcohol, or an unhappy personal relationship. Although they may say "I want to get help" they dont change or improve. Their actions show a recurrence. Why is it so hard to change? Because wrestling with that problem over and over - sometimes winning, sometimes losing but always struggling.
Our default future has a certain predictable shape.
The more things change the more they remain the same. - So what is the option? There is only one solution that works. That is because it is not a solution. There is nothing to fix, change or imnprove.
Rewrite a future. When you do that your actions shift from disengaged to proactive. From resigned to inspiring and from frustrated to creative. Imagine if everybody in the family could rewrite the future of the family or employees can create a future for the organisation.
That kind of transformation will create a wave of momentum.
Some of you may find the above heavy or confusing. Well all I can say here is transformation is hell of confusion and it rips you apart. But that is the only thing that I have found really works.
No fixing, changing or improving. Just creating a future that fullfills me now and it will be there for ever.
Take Care
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
No news is good news
When people of my generation (including me) were born, the world was a different place, it was a much better world.
We went to school on foot or in a rickshaw, the children of affluent few were seen on a bicycle. On the way to school we used to cross railway tracks, negotiate a steep climb and sometimes even find way through a water body. Our parents gave us guidelines on safety, but most of us never used it. We fell from rickshaws, got messed up in water or even broke bones speeding on cycles.
There was no mobile phone available, and the parents could not be communicated. Strangers took you to nearest doctor, who treated you for free and some stranger carried us to our home in our torn clothes and lost bags. But, we all got our treatment, no one died on the streets. The mother had no way to communicate the incident to father who was 20 kms away on work, and will return late night. No news was good news.
People used to write letters and address each other as respected father, Dear son, your's faithfully. The receipt of a post card from a dear one, was a source of immense joy and pleasure and sometimes sorrow. There was love and emotions in those postcards and Inland letters. The only news that needed to be communicated urgently by telegram was child birth and death. No news was good news.
In 1970's and early 80's there was one black and white TV in a cluster of 10 homes. Which showed only one channel containing programs of poor quality for 4 hours in evening, one movie in a week and one music show. However it was great source for the entire family or some times neighborhood to sit together and enjoy.
Those were good days.
Today everyone carries a mobile phone (some even two), each home has computers and internet. Each room has one TV. There is communication at finger tips. Emails, SMS, International calls, Domestic free calls and what not. Thousands of TV channels and millions of websites throw garbage at us non stop.
Today the list of dear ones has changed. No one writes letters. No one addresses parents as Dear Parents, Satkar yog, Agyakari or Your's faithfully.
We have more time for colleagues and work, than family. The relationship has become telephonic. Festival greetings are shared by stolen and forwarded SMS and forwarded chain emails. Every one watches different TV channel in a different room. Or listens to my kind of music on his Ipod or mobile phone.
This is time of news at fingure tips, the time of communication.
This is also the time of panic, anger, threat, frustration, pretense, greed and self center. Today we communicate more - and we loose more. We have lost emotions, care, respect, satisfaction and social manners.
Its time to break this addiction. Communicate less. Write letters, use pen and paper. Keep one TV in home and switch off your mobile phone at home.
No news is good news.
We went to school on foot or in a rickshaw, the children of affluent few were seen on a bicycle. On the way to school we used to cross railway tracks, negotiate a steep climb and sometimes even find way through a water body. Our parents gave us guidelines on safety, but most of us never used it. We fell from rickshaws, got messed up in water or even broke bones speeding on cycles.
There was no mobile phone available, and the parents could not be communicated. Strangers took you to nearest doctor, who treated you for free and some stranger carried us to our home in our torn clothes and lost bags. But, we all got our treatment, no one died on the streets. The mother had no way to communicate the incident to father who was 20 kms away on work, and will return late night. No news was good news.
People used to write letters and address each other as respected father, Dear son, your's faithfully. The receipt of a post card from a dear one, was a source of immense joy and pleasure and sometimes sorrow. There was love and emotions in those postcards and Inland letters. The only news that needed to be communicated urgently by telegram was child birth and death. No news was good news.
In 1970's and early 80's there was one black and white TV in a cluster of 10 homes. Which showed only one channel containing programs of poor quality for 4 hours in evening, one movie in a week and one music show. However it was great source for the entire family or some times neighborhood to sit together and enjoy.
Those were good days.
Today everyone carries a mobile phone (some even two), each home has computers and internet. Each room has one TV. There is communication at finger tips. Emails, SMS, International calls, Domestic free calls and what not. Thousands of TV channels and millions of websites throw garbage at us non stop.
Today the list of dear ones has changed. No one writes letters. No one addresses parents as Dear Parents, Satkar yog, Agyakari or Your's faithfully.
We have more time for colleagues and work, than family. The relationship has become telephonic. Festival greetings are shared by stolen and forwarded SMS and forwarded chain emails. Every one watches different TV channel in a different room. Or listens to my kind of music on his Ipod or mobile phone.
This is time of news at fingure tips, the time of communication.
This is also the time of panic, anger, threat, frustration, pretense, greed and self center. Today we communicate more - and we loose more. We have lost emotions, care, respect, satisfaction and social manners.
Its time to break this addiction. Communicate less. Write letters, use pen and paper. Keep one TV in home and switch off your mobile phone at home.
No news is good news.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Not everything needs to be fixed
Ever since I was a child, I used to look at the people who were undergoing surgeries and deaths, divorce and separations, working in a foreign land and not available to families in need. And I always was clear that there is something wrong in these people. These things happen to others, not to me.
I am different.
The irony of life is all that we hope and are sure of will never happen to us, happens to us too. As they say "The more you resist, the more it persists".
I can recall some incidents in my life too. A collapsed business, a second disaster in business, a legal fight with tenant over non issues, sudden death of a parent, emergency surgery of a child, turbulent shift in country of residence for family, and so on.
I also never imagined that I will be a successful man. Looked like it will be an average life, with a no glamor or importance. But that also ditched my belief. While going through all the turbulence in person life and dealing with disasters, I learned many a lessons.
It is surprising that in a foreign land, where no one knew me 4 years ago, I have a successful and satisfying career and social life.
But the life ironies don't seem to give up. Just when we think - "And then they lived happily ever after" - life kicks you where it hurts the most. And teaches you a new lesson.
So, should we be grateful for these kicks by life, or sulk and crib?
It took me a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to life, just take it one day at a time.
My wife and kids have gone back to our home country, leaving me struggling for what's next. I have recently been diagnosed of diabetes and stone in my kidney. Another thing I knew would never happen to me. But I just want to tell you, I feel great to be alive, am still invited to chair the social events and conduct high level trainings. I am blessed to conduct children education classes on weekends.
And I maybe here today or in India tomorrow or in USA next year.
I want you to know that I am enjoying it.And this is the way, I will live the rest of my life. As Randy Pausch said "Not everything needs to be fixed".
I am different.
The irony of life is all that we hope and are sure of will never happen to us, happens to us too. As they say "The more you resist, the more it persists".
I can recall some incidents in my life too. A collapsed business, a second disaster in business, a legal fight with tenant over non issues, sudden death of a parent, emergency surgery of a child, turbulent shift in country of residence for family, and so on.
I also never imagined that I will be a successful man. Looked like it will be an average life, with a no glamor or importance. But that also ditched my belief. While going through all the turbulence in person life and dealing with disasters, I learned many a lessons.
It is surprising that in a foreign land, where no one knew me 4 years ago, I have a successful and satisfying career and social life.
But the life ironies don't seem to give up. Just when we think - "And then they lived happily ever after" - life kicks you where it hurts the most. And teaches you a new lesson.
So, should we be grateful for these kicks by life, or sulk and crib?
It took me a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to life, just take it one day at a time.
My wife and kids have gone back to our home country, leaving me struggling for what's next. I have recently been diagnosed of diabetes and stone in my kidney. Another thing I knew would never happen to me. But I just want to tell you, I feel great to be alive, am still invited to chair the social events and conduct high level trainings. I am blessed to conduct children education classes on weekends.
And I maybe here today or in India tomorrow or in USA next year.
I want you to know that I am enjoying it.And this is the way, I will live the rest of my life. As Randy Pausch said "Not everything needs to be fixed".
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Home or Foreign? Confusion.
Why do we leave our home and come to foreign lands?
Is it just the lure of a few extra bucks or something else? What is the price we pay for the extra bone in our plate? I have been thinking on the subject for a while. Obviously all thoughts start from one's current situations and confusions.
So while I may try and make this general, the confusion is me.
What the ideal time period and age group to work overseas and specially in Middle East & Africa? Should one come with family or single?
To add to my confusion, their were as many views as people I met.
Armed with all the confusion I started to work on the issue in a more analytical way. And I conclude.
Working in a foreign land is not for the light hearted soul.
One should sell his soul and self esteem, before one lands here. There are freedom of sorts, but at the end of the year, the joy of returning home for a month of holiday says it all. We all long for homeland, because we experience freedom there.
Saving is a myth - specially in Middle East (if you want to maintain the same standards as in your home country).
To my horror and surprise, most people I met actually said saving was the biggest reason to work here. I got so many responses in this domain, that I started to look up my spending pattern. What I got was horrifying. I was spending more money as a % of my income to meet the same nature of expenses as compared to home.
Making it simple, the cost of groceries and monthly household supplies comes to 25% of salary, Education 10%, Utilities 10%, Eating Out 10% and so on. The same expenses in % back home is at least 25% less. So what ever I was saving was flowing out in meeting the cost of living difference. To make the situation worse at least 15% of income every year is wasted on emergency air travel to home & back.
So then why do people come here and slog in high temperatures and different cultures.
As my inquiry became intense I got some very interesting answers.
One type of people are who are newly married couples and they do not want to live with the family. So people escape to foreign land on the pretend of job requirement, where as they come here to enjoy freedom from family ties.
Second type of people are ones who have grown up kids, family liabilities are over, and they want to live a slow and semi retired life. High incomes and low expenses balance is what draws them here.
There is a very interesting third type and majority falls in this category. People who will not get a job for even half of what they earn here. People who do not own a motorcycle, get to drive luxury cars here. Its a mega change in living standards and fulfillment of wish lists. These people can generally be seen loaded with vulgar gold bracelets, chains and more rings than fingers.
But what about me?
Well. I like the region and the culture. Life is easy and slow, but this is no reason to live in a foreign land, away from ones family and culture.
So my advice (as if it matters). - One should come to foreign lands, enjoy the place, learn some thing new, understand new business dynamics and cross cultural operations. But don't stick around for the rest of your life. Go back to you home as birds and cows do. Love your country, contribute your life and time to your given land, culture and religion.
Home is where we belong.
Is it just the lure of a few extra bucks or something else? What is the price we pay for the extra bone in our plate? I have been thinking on the subject for a while. Obviously all thoughts start from one's current situations and confusions.
So while I may try and make this general, the confusion is me.
What the ideal time period and age group to work overseas and specially in Middle East & Africa? Should one come with family or single?
To add to my confusion, their were as many views as people I met.
Armed with all the confusion I started to work on the issue in a more analytical way. And I conclude.
Working in a foreign land is not for the light hearted soul.
One should sell his soul and self esteem, before one lands here. There are freedom of sorts, but at the end of the year, the joy of returning home for a month of holiday says it all. We all long for homeland, because we experience freedom there.
Saving is a myth - specially in Middle East (if you want to maintain the same standards as in your home country).
To my horror and surprise, most people I met actually said saving was the biggest reason to work here. I got so many responses in this domain, that I started to look up my spending pattern. What I got was horrifying. I was spending more money as a % of my income to meet the same nature of expenses as compared to home.
Making it simple, the cost of groceries and monthly household supplies comes to 25% of salary, Education 10%, Utilities 10%, Eating Out 10% and so on. The same expenses in % back home is at least 25% less. So what ever I was saving was flowing out in meeting the cost of living difference. To make the situation worse at least 15% of income every year is wasted on emergency air travel to home & back.
So then why do people come here and slog in high temperatures and different cultures.
As my inquiry became intense I got some very interesting answers.
One type of people are who are newly married couples and they do not want to live with the family. So people escape to foreign land on the pretend of job requirement, where as they come here to enjoy freedom from family ties.
Second type of people are ones who have grown up kids, family liabilities are over, and they want to live a slow and semi retired life. High incomes and low expenses balance is what draws them here.
There is a very interesting third type and majority falls in this category. People who will not get a job for even half of what they earn here. People who do not own a motorcycle, get to drive luxury cars here. Its a mega change in living standards and fulfillment of wish lists. These people can generally be seen loaded with vulgar gold bracelets, chains and more rings than fingers.
But what about me?
Well. I like the region and the culture. Life is easy and slow, but this is no reason to live in a foreign land, away from ones family and culture.
So my advice (as if it matters). - One should come to foreign lands, enjoy the place, learn some thing new, understand new business dynamics and cross cultural operations. But don't stick around for the rest of your life. Go back to you home as birds and cows do. Love your country, contribute your life and time to your given land, culture and religion.
Home is where we belong.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Laughter is the best medicine
Laughter is the best medicine. If you can laugh when you are ill you will get your health back sooner. If you cannot laugh, even if you are healthy, sooner or later you will lose your health and you will become ill.
Laughter brings inner energy to the fore. When you really laugh, for those few moments you are in a deep meditative state. Thinking stops. It is impossible to laugh and think together. When you really laugh, suddenly, the mind disappears. And the whole Zen methodology is how to get into no-mind.
Dancing and laughter are the best, natural, easily approachable doors to attaining no-mind. Existence melts into you; there is an overlapping of boundaries. And if you are really dancing ? not managing it but allowing it to manage you, allowing it to possess you ? if you are possessed by dance, thinking stops. The same happens with laughter. If you are possessed by laughter, thinking stops. And if you know a few moments of no-mind, those glimpses will promise you many more rewards that are going to come.
Before the mind disappears there open two alternatives: sleep or sushupti/ samadhi and satori. When thinking disappears, these are the two alternatives left: either you move into satori � a fully alert, no-thought state; or a fully asleep, no-thought state � sleep.
And sleep is more natural, because you have practised it long. If you live 60 years, for 20 years you have been asleep. It is the greatest activity that you have been doing; one-third of your life is spent in sleep. Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep.
In a few Zen monasteries, every monk has to start his morning with laughter, and has to end his night with laughter. It will be difficult, living in a family set-up, to suddenly laugh early in the morning. But do try it; it's worth getting out of bed laughing. Yes, for no reason at all. Isn't it good to be alive?
One day you will not get up in the morning. One day the milkman will knock at the door, the spouse will be snoring, but you will not be there. One day, death will come. Before it knocks you down, have a good laugh � while there is time, have a good laugh.
And look at the whole ridiculousness: again the same day starts; you have done the same things again and again for your whole life. Again you will get into your slippers, rush to the bathroom � for what? Brushing your teeth, taking a shower � for what? Where are you going? Getting ready and nowhere to go!
Look at the whole ridiculousness of it and have a good laugh. Laughter leads to more laughter. And almost always I have seen people doing just the wrong thing. From early morning they get out of bed complaining, gloomy, sad, depressed, and miserable. Then one thing leads to another and for nothing. And they get angry. it is very bad because it will change your climate for the whole day, it will set a pattern for the whole day.
In their insanity, Zen people are saner than you are. They start the day laughing. Then the whole day you will feel laughter bubbling, welling up. There are so many ridiculous things happening all over! God must be dying of laughter down the centuries, for eternity, seeing this ridiculousness of the world. The people that He has created, and all the absurdities ? it is really a comedy. He must be laughing.
If you become silent after your laughter, one day you will hear God also laughing, you will hear the whole existence laughing with you even the trees and stones and stars.
So what are you waiting for. Now laugh for no reason
Thursday, June 4, 2009
A Prayer
Let me do my work each day;
and if the darkened hours of despair overcome me,
may I not forget the strength that comforted me
in the desolation of other times.
May I still remember the bright hours
that found me walking over the silent hills of my childhood,
or dreaming on the margin of a quiet river,
when a light glowed within me,
and I promised my early God to have courage
amid the tempests of the changing years.
Spare me from bitterness and from
the sharp passions of unguarded moments.
May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.
Though the world knows me not,
may my thoughts and actions be such
as shall keep me friendly with myself.
Lift up my eyes from the earth,
and let me not forget the uses of the stars.
Forbid that I should judge others
lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow the clamor of the world,
but walk calmly in my path.
Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am;
and keep ever burning before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope.
And though age and infirmity overtake me,
and I come not within sight of the castle of my dreams,
teach me still to be thankful for life,
and for time's olden memories that are good and sweet;
and may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.
Max Ehrmann (1872-1945) was an attorney from Indiana, best known for writing the "Desiderata" which begins with the famous line: "You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here."
and if the darkened hours of despair overcome me,
may I not forget the strength that comforted me
in the desolation of other times.
May I still remember the bright hours
that found me walking over the silent hills of my childhood,
or dreaming on the margin of a quiet river,
when a light glowed within me,
and I promised my early God to have courage
amid the tempests of the changing years.
Spare me from bitterness and from
the sharp passions of unguarded moments.
May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.
Though the world knows me not,
may my thoughts and actions be such
as shall keep me friendly with myself.
Lift up my eyes from the earth,
and let me not forget the uses of the stars.
Forbid that I should judge others
lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow the clamor of the world,
but walk calmly in my path.
Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am;
and keep ever burning before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope.
And though age and infirmity overtake me,
and I come not within sight of the castle of my dreams,
teach me still to be thankful for life,
and for time's olden memories that are good and sweet;
and may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.
Max Ehrmann (1872-1945) was an attorney from Indiana, best known for writing the "Desiderata" which begins with the famous line: "You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here."
Friday, May 1, 2009
What do you want to be remembered for?
When I was thirteen I had an inspiring teacher of religion who one day went right throught the class asking each one, "What do you want to be remembered for?". None of us of course could give an answer. So, he chucled and said, "I didn't expect you to be able to answer it. But if you still can't answer it by the time you are fifty, you will have wasted your life".
I am always asking that question: "What do you want to be remembered for?". It is an question that induces you to renew yourself, because it pushes you to see yourself as a different person-the person you can become. If you are fortunate, someone with moral authority will ask you that question early enough in your life, so that you will continue to ask it as you go through life. It is a question that induces you to renew yourself, because it pushes you to see yourself as a different person - the person you can become.
Credit : Peter Drucker
I am always asking that question: "What do you want to be remembered for?". It is an question that induces you to renew yourself, because it pushes you to see yourself as a different person-the person you can become. If you are fortunate, someone with moral authority will ask you that question early enough in your life, so that you will continue to ask it as you go through life. It is a question that induces you to renew yourself, because it pushes you to see yourself as a different person - the person you can become.
Credit : Peter Drucker
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